It’s been a transforming year for me, but here are the #top9of2019 that have made this one of my best years yet. 🥳
9️⃣ I shot portraits for over 100 people this year. In doing so, I had some beautiful, fun, insightful conversations with individuals from every background. I learned how photography can be like therapy, both for the subject and for me.
8️⃣ I read 24 books - mostly on psychology, spirituality, feminism, health, and social justice. I’ve learned more about my outer and inner worlds and the relationship between each. It’s propelled me in my self-acceptance and self-compassion, and helped me in strengthening my professional and personal relationships.
7️⃣ I meditated over 150 times this year And it has brought me greater awareness and created more peace and space in my mind.
6️⃣ I have maintained a mostly-vegan diet for more than 7mos. I’m not perfect about it and want to expand it to more than just my diet, but I have definitely gained much more awareness around what I’m consuming, what it takes to get the food and goods to a store and my plate, and the impact this has on me and the world, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, economically, culturally, socially, and environmentally.
5️⃣ I’ve spent 210 straight days sober. It was very hard at first, but I’ve gained so much more than I’ve lost through sobriety. My relationships have deepened and I have had more meaningful experiences. The best part is: no hangovers.
4️⃣ I’ve had exactly 40 therapy sessions, which feels biblical. I’ve seen three therapists this year, mostly due to logistical changes, but each have offered me unique perspectives and modeled the compassion and acceptance I needed to be able to better care for and love myself. I think this work (both the profession of therapy and self-work) is entirely undervalued and the outcomes far outweigh any stigma around “needing help”. I encourage anyone who is carrying any shame or pain or trauma (I.e. everyone, really) to seek therapy, even if/when you think you’re doing fine. 

3️⃣ I’ve spent about 3 months on medication for depression and anxiety. This is a celebratory thing for me. I overcame the stigma and negative thoughts of myself around needing help in the form of pharmaceuticals. And holy sh*t, meds have been so helpful to me, I’m so mad I ever resisted them. They’re not for everyone, but they’ve made a huge difference in my life and allowed me the mental space and energy to be able to do the foundational work I needed to do, and develop greater emotional intelligence. Some folks want or need to continue with medication for longer periods, but I have a game plan with my provider for rolling off of these soon. I am sharing all of this because it was so crucial to my health that I had someone share their own story with me around medication, and that I found the right provider to take my whole self into consideration when prescribing me anything, and explaining all the ins and outs to me and checking in with me frequently to make sure I was responding to them appropriately. This also took access and funds that not everyone has. It took a lot of support from friends and family and health care providers. Without all of this, I may have delayed this further and had a much different year and a much different future. I have zero shame about this, which is the biggest accomplishment of all. So if you are, have been, or know someone who might be struggling with this or is resistant to medication, I hope this can be helpful and I’m very open to chatting about it.

2️⃣ I got my first tattoo. It has been a way more fun and meaningful experience for me than I expected. Thinking about meaning, placement, imagery, and working with @little__wolf__tattoo on design, the actual tattooing, the healing process - all of it has been an exercise in self-expression, acceptance, and care. It’s a great reminder to me of the important things in my life and of this time in my life and I’m so glad I get to wear this on my body.

1️⃣ ICYMI, I came out publicly as bisexual. 🌈 Getting to the place where I could do that was an achievement in itself, but everything this has brought me in the last few weeks has been incredible. I have had deeper, more meaningful conversations and connection with so many people as a result, including with my own self. I feel amazing and I wish this sense of self and inner fire was contagious and that I could give it everyone I know.
Here’s to 2020, with sparkling cider in hand! ✨